"Actions are but by intentions and every man shall have only that which he intended. Thus he whose migration (Hijrah to Madeenah from Makkah) was for Allaah and His Messenger, his migration was for Allaah and His Messenger, and he whose migration was to achieve some worldly benefit or to take some woman in marriage, his migration was for that for which he migrated."
Assalamualaikum,
Entry kali ini saya ingin share few things tentang sifat-sifat manusia and macam mana kita boleh mengatasi masalah utk bergaul dgn semua orang. Baru baru ini, sekali lagi saya telah mengecilkan hati seorang sahabat saya melalui perckpan sy. mengikut pandangan sy tentang apa yg saya rasa, ramai org berckp melalui apa yg dia expect atau mengikut penerimaan org lain. mainly, apa yg dia rasa benar dan patut.
setelah beberapa kali experience masalah ini dgn ramai orang, pada pendapat sy, adalah fundamental utk kita mengenali sifat2 diri kita sendiri juga sifat2 org2 di sekeliling kita utk mengelakkan kejadian2 seperti ini.
pendapat saya tentang diri saya: setelah sy berbincang dgn few sahabat utk mencari options solusi kepada masalah sy yg baru2 ini.
kami sependapat yg sy mempunyai karakter dominant person and sy adalah seorg yg direct. setelah sy menilai suggestion sahabat sy tntg diri sy, ya sy bersetuju insyaAllah. sifat sy yg dominant ini pd pendapat mereka tidak menganggu mereka namun ia membuatkan mereka 'tidak berani' utk menegur sy. namun, ada sahabat yg lain bersetuju yg saya adalah org yg mudah menerima teguran secara direct.
sy membuat sedikit research tentang diri sy agar mudah sy memahami apa yg orang rasa dgn sy:
Menurut Willian Frank Dietrich dlm "working with dominant people" org dominant selalu direferkan sebagai those people who tend to take charge, to be little abrupt, seem to be arrogant, to be impatient, and don't always listen. It's their way or the highway in many cases. Many people are intimidated by Dominant people. Most of us do not like conflict, but Dominant people always seem willing to create it.
sy bersetuju dgn setiap yg dia suggest tntg dominant ppl, sebagai contoh,
1. mereka sngt focus on task sehingga perasaan org lain kurang terlihat dalam "radar screen" mereka. bukan kerana mereka tidak care, namun mereka kurang aware.
2. mereka adalah golongan yg akan mengejar apa yg dirasakan benar selagi tiada tentangan atau counter argument yg mereka mungkin tersilap. mereka adalah "go for it" person - which some ppl say they are aggressive
3. Kdg kala mereka boleh mencelah perbualan sekiranya dirasakan perlu seperti terdapat gap masa antara perbualan anda dgn orng lain yg menjelaskan seperti anda sedang exhaust your mind utk teruskan perbualan atau seperti anda memerlukan bantuan mereka.
4. mereka adalah result-oriented person. sebab itu kdg2 mereka agak pushy
5. Mereka direct dan jujur (honest) dalam setiap yg dilakukan dan ini adalah masalah besar dlm kehidupan seharian
Dan lain2.
kali ini sy mahu kongsi tentang bagaimana utk deal dgn org2 seperti saya, bear in mind semua sifat2 di atas tadi:
1. anda perlu belajar utk speak up utk perkara yg dirasakan perlu dibincangkan dengannya. kata William "This is where the problem comes. People don't want to confront. They keep quiet, or they speak in vague terms, or they avoid altogether. None of these strategies work.They enable the Dominant person to keep on being insensitive. "
2. Berckp dengan tegas dan tenang dgn org yg dominant tersebut tntg suggestion anda. Kalo anda benar, jelaskan yg anda benar tanpa alasan yg tidak munasabah dan excuses. Kalo anda salah, mengaku yg anda salah dan berikan suggestion yg anda berupaya utk membetulkan. Dgn tegas dan tenang, mereka akan lebih menghormati anda.
3. Jika sikap aggressive mereka melampaui expectation anda, speak up. contoh William, "I once had a Dominant manager who interrupted my report in a meeting and then went on to other business. I met him in his office later. I told him I did not appreciate his interrupting and then eliminating my part of the meeting. I expressed my expectation that I should be able to clearly and concisely speak my part. I made sure I presented myself in a rational way. He didn't realize what he had done and apologized. In other words, if I hadn't told him, he would never had known. I could have kept quiet and nursed my grievance, but how would that have taught him how to treat me?"
4. Jika merasakan mereka terlalu pushy, katakan seperti anda sedang mencari lebih bukti atau informasi utk memastikan anda lebih confident.
5. belajar utk bersikap lebih persuasive dan tegas (firm) daripada sentiasa memikirkan bagaimana teruknya dia.
InsyaAllah, sy bersetuju dgn suggestion2 yg diberikan dalam article tersebut. Saya akan membuat research on bagaimana saya sebagai dominant person deal dgn org yang berlainan character. InsyaAllah sy akan share dlm posting seterusnya.
sy memetik kata2 William sebagai penutup posting ini
"Each personality style has its own unique qualities. Understanding others makes it easier to deal with them. It makes it easier to connect with people in both personal and professional situations. Our resistance to the styles of others makes us ineffective. Complaining about the way others do things distracts us from learning how to work with them. We need to shift our tendency to see people in terms of their faults to an ability to see them in terms of their needs. What does this person need to be great? That is the question we, as leaders, will ask ourselves when we are confronted with others who are motivated differently than we are."
Afwan kepada semua yg sy pernah terkecilkan hati, truly sy tak punya niat utk buat macam tu.
This is fundamental especially dalam sistem dakwah dan tarbiyyah kita semua.
Till here, Peace be upon you, good people :)
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